The LORD HIGH GURU MIKE VALLE now brings you technology that has up until now been guarded jealously by NASA and the CIA, originally discovered in the ALIEN FLYING SAUCER that crashed in Roswell. M-BRACELET, constructed entirely out of molecules using a state of the art process backed up by second-order differential equations, will help you to unleash the AWESOME POWER OF MOLECULES, to cure everything from impotence to cancer!!!!
Buy one for the astonishingly low price of $199.99. Better yet, buy a set of twelve for the even more astonishingly low price of $1999.99, and hang them up around your house according to the principles adumbrated in the Lord High Guru's book, Mike Valle's Guide to Feng Shui.
Don't wait! Unleash the awesome power of molecules today!!!!
Q. I just used the M-Bracelet, and it didn't do anything. Can I have my money back?
A. You must be wearing M-Bracelet incorrectly. Consult your user manual.
Q. I just consulted the used manual, and the M-Bracelet still isn't doing anything! I want my money back!
A. You still must be wearing M-Bracelet incorrectly. Consult your user manual again.
Q. Every time I write to tell you that the M-Bracelet isn't doing anything, you tell me to consult my user manual. By now, I have consulted the user manual twenty times, and the M-Bracelet still isn't doing anything! Give me back my money, you thief!
A. You appear to doubt the working of M-Bracelet -- that must be the source of the problem. Most people have latent psychic powers. It is obvious that your doubt is leading you to unconsciously use your psychic powers to impede the proper functioning of M-Bracelet. In order for M-Bracelet to work, you must believe it is working.
Q. If I force myself to believe the M-Bracelet is working before it actually does, how will be able to tell whether or not it is really doing anything?
A. M-Bracelet is constructed entirely out of molecules using a state of the art process backed up by second-order differential equations. M-Bracelet works, but you have to believe it works.
Q. I just checked with my friend, and he tells me that just about everything in the world is made up of molecules, so the fact that the M-Bracelet is made up of molecules doesn't mean it has any special healing powers.
A. Your friend is a skeptic. Skeptics are always trying to tear things down instead of building them up. They see a beautiful thing like M-Bracelet that unleashes the awesome power of molecules to bring people hope and joy, and insist on trying to destroy it. How sad!
Q. You didn't really address my friend's argument.
A. That sounds like skeptic-talk to me. You're not a skeptic, are you? Skeptics are Communists, and I don't think you want to be a Communist.